“Cats” Reviews: “Oh God, My Eyes”

Cats Reviews Oh God My Eyes

The embargo on reviews for Tom Hooper’s film adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical “Cats” has lifted and boy are the critics having fun tearing this adaptation a new one.

Best summed up by Boston Globe critic Ty Burr’s “Oh God my eyes,” the film currently stands on an utterly dismal 14% on Rotten Tomatoes with an average rating of 3.65/10. Over on Metacritic it’s not much better with a 31/100. Here’s a sampling of review quotes:

“I never knew Tom Hooper was capable of making a surrealist nightmare that would rival Jodorowsky, that could baffle David Lynch, that would prompt even the dark god Cthulhu to emit an impressed eldritch shriek of ‘hehehee’…. Watching CATS is like stumbling upon an unholy and heretofore unknown genre of porn. Every time these horny fur demons tongue a milk bowl and start moaning I was certain the FBI would raid the theater.” – Kyle Buchanan, New York Times

“#Cats is like if The Room had been made by competent actors and filmmakers who theoretically know what they’re doing, which is to say that it TECHNICALLY resembles a movie, and stars some people you recognize, but its grasp on this plane of reality is tenuous at best. Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely MUST see #Cats. Get as drunk or high as possible, take a bunch of your friends, and embrace it for the pure, unbridled insanity it is. Truly, a more baffling film has never been committed to screen, and for that, I applaud it.” – Laura Prudom, IGN

“Tom Hooper’s jarring fever dream of a spectacle is like something that escaped from Dr. Moreau’s creature laboratory, an un-catty valley hybrid of physical and digital that unsettles and crashes way more often than it enchants.” – Robert Abele, TheWrap

“Cats is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs.” – Ed Douglas, The Beat

“Sadly, this uneven eyesore turns out to be every bit the Jellicle catastrophe the haters anticipated, a half-digested hairball of a movie.” – Peter Debruge, Variety

“Cats out of the bag, let’s put them back in. At best, Cats is an interesting exercise in the boundaries of filmmaking. At the worst, which it treads closer to, it’s a disturbing, confusing, and misguided acid trip of a musical.” – Karl Delossantos, Smash Cut Reviews

“Director Tom Hooper’s movie is a huge failure because he’s completely abandoned the fundamentals of what made “Cats” a terrific show.” – Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post

“With its grotesque design choices and busy, metronomic editing, “Cats” is as uneasy on the eyes as a Hollywood spectacle can be, tumbling into an uncanny valley between mangy realism and dystopian artifice.” – Justin Chang, Los Angeles Times

“As an adaptation, Cats is declawed, never delving fully into the possibilities offered by its proportion-manipulating trick photography and its animated cast. As a big-budget spectacle, it’s a triumphant disaster, if one at least born from a unique idea.” – Dominick Suzanne-Mayer, Consequence of Sound

“Even after 110 tumbling, tail-swishing, deeply psychedelic minutes, it’s hard to know if you ever really knew anything – except that C is for Cats, C is for Crazy, and C is probably the grade this cinematic lunacy deserves.” – Leah Greenblatt, Entertainment Weekly

“On a scale of one to Zemeckis, Hooper’s Cats boldly goes beyond the uncanny valley and creates a tier of its own.” – Rendy Jones, Rendy Reviews

“This visually dense adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber hit is at once too crazy for this world, and not quite crazy enough.” – Eric Kohn, indieWire

“A bunch of well-known celebrities get turned into singing, scenery-chewing digital kitties in the utterly absurd yet oddly charming movie musical version of the Broadway hit.” – Brian Truitt, USA Today

“First off, full disclosure — I am not a cat person. Second off — after watching this frankly mortifying film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats, I’m not altogether sure I am a movie person anymore either.” – Alan Corr, RTE Ireland

“Cats may flop but it will be found by a likeminded audience, maybe the same one that rescued The Greatest Showman. Don’t be the sourpuss to tell these people they’re wrong.” – Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out

“One of the weirdest and most garish monstrosities to be birthed out of the Hollywood studio system in this century.” – David Crow, Den of Geek

“There is something magical about the simple fact that this movie exists, in all its obscene, absurd wonder, its terrible filmmaking choices and bursts of jaw-dropping talent.” – Alison Willmore, New York Magazine

“Cats” opens in cinemas everywhere on Friday.