Sacha Baron Cohen for “Borat”

Borat Sagdiyev is a fictional Kazakhstani journalist invented and portrayed by the British comedian provocateur Sacha Baron Cohen. Originally conceived in 1994, the character first came to prominence in 2000 on Cohen’s highly successful comedy “Da Ali G Show” where he popped up in skits throughout the series.

Now the politically incorrect creation has his own movie, already one of the most buzzed about films of the year. In preparation for it, 20th Century Fox conducted a recent press conference where Cohen, in character as Borat, answered pre-prepared questions from the media throng. Here’s the result of that conference, raw and unedited:

Question: Can you tell us about yourself?

Borat: He’s not so intelligent, this one… My name is Borat Sagdiyev. I am son of [Asim Balat Sagdiyev] and Boltolk the rapist. I am former husband of Osana Sagdiyev, who was daughter of Mary Anne Pulakby and Boltolk the rapist. My hobbies is disco dance, table tennis and also taking photographs of ladies doing toilet without their knowledge. Why not? They do not know.

I have previous work as icemaker and gypsy catcher. And I was also work in computer maintenance. I was the one who paints the outside and then remove the dead bird from its pipes. I have three children. Bilak, Biram and Hueylewis who is 12-years-old. He has a two children.

Bilak, who is 13, has American pen-friend called Mr. Foley. He say meet in hotel room. Is nice. My sister make my family very proud by being number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. I also have a brother named Bilo. He is a retard with a small head, but very strong arms. He has 204 teeth – 201 in mouth and three in nose. My first wife is dead. High five! She was shoot by a hunter who mistake her for a bear because she has much hair on her arms and back. No problem. I have a new wife. But, I like cheat. Yes, I looking at you.

Question: You recently traveled to Washington to meet with President Bush. What is your opinion of our president?

Borat: We in Kazakhstan very much admire your mighty warlord George Walter Bush. He is a very wise man and also a strong man. But, perhaps not as strong as his father, Barbara. Next question.

Question: How does Kazakhstan’s political system compare with America’s?

Borat: There are small differences between our system of politic. In Kazakh elections, for example, the winner is not the man with the most votes, but the candidate who can carry a woman against her will for the furthest distance. Our present leader can manage 4.3 miles. How long can Premier Bush?

There are other differences too. In America, a woman can vote, but the horse cannot. That is unusual. We say in my country, ‘To give a woman a vote is like to let the monkey fly the plane’ Very dangerous. We do not do this anymore since the 2001 Orexca air crash.

Question: Did you enjoy your time filming here in the United States?

Borat: I would like say that I liking US and A very much… I learn many things that is different than one I expect from your country. For example, I was surprised to learn it is now illegal to shoot at red Indians. Once again, if anyone [reading] this, I would like to apologize with all my heart to Chief Running Deer at the Potawatomi Casino in Nevada.

Question: What American person or people would you still like to meet?

Borat: I would most like to meet some of the new Hollywood starlets. In particular, Elizabeth Taylor. I would also like to meet fearless anti-Jew warrior, Melvin Gibson. We in Kazakhstan agree with his comments that the Jews started all wars and we also have proof that they were responsible for killing off all the dinosaurs. Also, Hurricane Katrina. They did it. It’s a long story.

I would also like to have an encounter with American football hero O.J. Simpson, who is a huge star in my country and has earlier this year visited capital Almaty, where he judged the Ms. Kazakhstan contest. Our ladies very much like this muscular man, ya? One contestant was so crazy on him that she breaked into his hotel room while he was sleeping. She then stab herself to death and covered his clothes in blood. Fanatic!

Question: Were there any specific movies that inspired your film and what films do you admire?

Borat: In Kazakhstan, we are huge fannies of US of A movies. And we have shown this by manufacturing pirate DVD’s of many of them. We like movies of funny man Edward Murphy. We in Kazakhstan laugh very much when we see his chocolate face, ya? It is unusual. The color! Other American films we like are Robocop, Titanic and the sex comedy The Accused. That scene on the snookie table…

Question: Has working on a big movie changed your opinion of women? Did you have women on your crew?

Borat: There is no women in Kazakh film industry. We say, ‘To give a woman a camera is like to give a monkey a gun.’ We have stopped doing that ever since the 2003 Almaty Zoo massacre.

Question: I think everybody wants to know about the status of your relationship with Pamela Anderson. Do you still enjoy watching Baywatch?

Borat: I must make clear this lady, Pamela, has start to stalk me as you say. Already this week she has sent me three love messages through her lawyer. Saying sexy things like, ‘I must not go further than 30 miles from her house, mail her dirty antipants or say on my MySpace bloggings that I want to make romance insider her.’ Pamela, if you watch this, leave me alones.

Question: You have a very prominent page on MySpace. What do you think of the Internet? And have you tried Internet dating?

Borat: I have tried hard on the Internet to meet a nice Western girlies for chitchat and sexy times. My preferences is ladies with yellow hair, plow experience and little or no history of retardation in family. I have even offer television with remote control, a red dress and two strong shoes, all of which I will remove from the body of my late wife…

Question: Can you talk about the contributions of your producer, Azamat?

Borat: I would like to pay tribute to my producer Azamat, who is fat. He is the most experience person in Kazakh film industry and in the past 20 years he has personally watched over 17 movies. He do a superb job producing my movie film, which has already been released and Kazakhstan and was a huge blockbuster. It took the top spot from the Hollywood movie King Kong, which had been number one film in my country ever since it was released in 1932. Azamat is currently producer of children’s game show Gypsy Bingo, where we put numbers on the backs of 20 gypsies. The contestants have to guess which number will manage to reach other side of minefield.

Question: What are your plans for the DVD?

Borat: The anti-communist organization Fox will be release a DVD in a spring. We in Kazakhstan will be releasing our own pirate version one month earlier. It will have everything the Fox one has and some special extras including Superman Returns and The Da Vinci Code.

Question: Why is your government so angry with Sacha Baron Cohen and have you ever met Mr. Baron Cohen?

Borat: I have said before, I have no connection with Mr. Cohen and I fully support my government’s decision to sue this Jew.

Question: Ladies and gentleman, I think [this] press conference is over…

Borat: Thank you very much people of US and A. Very nice be here and meet you. A very honored for me and my friend Azamat to be here and to be welcomed by you. I hope later after junket you can come back to my hotel room and we can wrestle totally nude and drink and shoot dogs from the windows. I like you.